From the Lead Pastor's Desk
March 11, 2010 |
 | Don't Expect Irrational People to be Rational
Dear Friends and Members of St. Andrew's:
Years ago when I was serving another church, my psychologist father came to spend the weekend with us. I had only been at my new church for about six months, and it had been a challenging six months. I had entered a situation where my predecessor had been asked to leave. Some people in the church understood why my predecessor had to leave; others did not.
Those that did not want my predecessor to leave were having trouble with the idea that they had a new pastor (me). One woman in particular was especially difficult to deal with. She was argumentative with me, seemed to create road blocks for every new idea I had, and was making my life difficult, to say the least. What was especially frustrating was that no matter what I did to try to reason with her, she would have none of it.
When my father and I were visiting I was sharing my frustration about this woman, and the wise psychologist set me straight. In fact, my father hit me hard with a dose of reality. He said, “John, why are you insisting an irrational person be rational. She can’t do it. Don’t expect irrational people to be rational. It is like getting mad at a three year old because they can’t do algebra. Statistically, on average at least five percent of the population is seriously disturbed. Why should your world be any different?”
Dad had made his point. The problem wasn’t with her, it was with me. I was insisting that this person give me something that she was incapable of giving me (rational behavior). From that moment on I have lived by the rule, “Don’t expect irrational people to be rational.”
As soon as I adopted this rule life became much easier. I spent a lot less time being disappointed, because I quit insisting that people behave how I thought they should behave. I quit imposing my rules on their lives. “Don’t expect irrational people to be rational” is a cousin to the rule, “What you see is what you get.” You can never control anyone else, but what you can control is your response to their behavior.
When I share this rule with people, I immediately see a light bulb go off in their heads. This rule is so easy to understand and yet so hard to practice. It’s especially hard to practice because when people get confrontational, angry or argumentative, our impulse is to respond in a similar manner. The down side of behaving this way is that we are then responding to irrational people in an irrational way, which is, of course, a recipe for disaster.
What is theanswer? How are we to respond when irrational people behave irrationally? In the 5th chapter of the Gospel of Matthew Jesus says, “You have heard it said an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. But I say to you, do not resist an evil doer. If anyone strikes you on the cheek turn the other one also.”
In the 6th chapter of the Gospel of Matthew Jesus says, “For if you forgive others their trespasses your heavenly father will also forgive you.” This is Jesus’ way of saying, “Take the high road.” When I walk into situations that have the potential to be difficult or confrontational, I often ask myself, “How would you like to be treated in this situation?” Once I have the answer to that question, I respond accordingly.
I am so glad my father shared that rule with me some 15 years ago. Ever since I quit insisting that irrational people be rational, I have been disappointed a lot less. I believe that one of the reasons God sent Jesus to earth is that God knew that we can be irrational, mean, nasty, jealous, and spiteful, and behave in a whole host of other destructive ways. God knew we are in desperate need of a savior, and we have one in Jesus Christ, who died that we might live, and who has showed us how to live in a way that helps us to be people who glorify God.
Off to Jamaica
On Saturday I leave for a Mission Jamaica trip to Kingston. If the technology is willing I will write next week’s E-update from Kingston.
In Christ,
John Hogenson
Lead Pastor
http://twitter.com/jhogenson
St. Andrew's Lutheran Church
Mahtomedi, Minnesota
Church Offices: 651-426-3261
| 