From the Lead Pastor's Desk
March 4, 2010 |
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What you see is what you get
Dear Friends and Members of St. Andrew's:
When I meet with young couples about to be married, I tell them during our first counseling session, “When we meet for the last time, you will learn Pastor John’s rule of pre-marriage counseling.” When we meet for the second time I tell them, “The next time we get together you will learn Pastor John’s rule of pre-marital counseling.” When we meet for the final time before their wedding, they are curious about what my rule of pre-marital counseling is.
Would you like to know “Pastor John’s rule of pre-marital counseling”? Here it is: WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET! I tell them to face each other, look lovingly in each other’s eyes, hold each other’s hands and then I say, “What you see is what you get. If you can accept the person just as they are with all their strengths and all their flaws, if you can look them in the eye and tell yourself that you can go to the altar with the person just as they are without trying to change them first, then you are ready to get married. If not, then you have work to do, because what you see is what you get.”
“What you see is what you get” seems to be obvious, yet as a pastor I see people trying to make spouses, fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, employees, employers, sports stars and political figures into something that they are not. When we try to see people as we want them to be, not as they are, when we try to make people into something they are not, we set ourselves up to be disappointed, and we are being unfair to the people we are imposing our image on, because we are asking them to be who they are not.
In my own life, when I have not followed this rule, I have always paid the price for it. There have been times over the years when I would interview someone who came highly recommended. When I would meet them in person and talk with them, I sensed something was missing but chose to ignore it. Later I would find that what I saw was what I got. Looking at people in your life and saying, “What I see is what I get” is a way of being honest with yourself and fair with others.?It is a way of accepting others rather than insisting they be as we think they should be, which is, of course, arrogant.
When the wedding day arrives for the couples I have worked with, I often remind them of my rule during my wedding sermon. I almost always tell them that the art of marriage is to accept each other just as they are, forgive each other for mistakes both great and small, to serve each other, and to be bearers of grace to one another. I tell them that that is how we are to treat each other, because that is how God treats us.
God knows us better than we know ourselves. God knows our strengths and weaknesses. God knows our fears, hopes and joys, yet God accepts us, forgives us, and serves us just as we are, all because God loves us just as we are. The ultimate symbol of God’s love, acceptance, forgiveness, and grace is the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Our response to the gift of Christ is to love one another as Christ loved us.
When God sees us, God knows that what God sees is what he gets. God still loves us anyhow, so let’s thank God by understanding that when it comes to other people, what we see is what we get.
In Christ,
John Hogenson
Lead Pastor
http://twitter.com/jhogenson
St. Andrew's Lutheran Church
Mahtomedi, Minnesota
Church Offices: 651-426-3261
